[For the Oct 2015 CoA “Aromanticism & the Aromantic Spectrum”
A the time I had a really, REALLY good idea for a submission, but I just couldn’t
seem to word it right. So I gave up and wrote this instead.]
Recently I decided to identify as agender and I started to
wonder; are the “A” communities (asexual, aromantic, agender) accidentally alienating
First of all spellcheck doesn’t even acknowledge aromantic
and agender as words so how the hell am I supposed to explain to “normal”
people? Do I even want to? I tried telling my parents I was asexual and first
of all they did not believe me and second I am not doing that ever again. The
discussion hasn’t even been tabled for a later date.
It’s so hard explaining that I’m a ‘not’.
Step one, “I’m not like you.” like that’s a great way to
start off any conversation.
“Hi! I’m not-normal!”
“No, that’s not the same thing as abnormal.” “No, I don’t think that dude/chick
is ‘hot’.” “No, I don’t want a girl/boyfriend.” “No, I’m not going to dress
like that.” “No, no, no.”
Sounds super positive, doesn’t it?
I am grateful for the “A” communities for helping me realize I
was whole and healthy, but if I were gay/lesbian I wouldn’t call myself just “not
straight”. It feels like I’m trying to describe a picture of myself by explaining
the white space. It would be so much easier if I could say “I am” instead of “I’m
The aromantic and agender part is the hardest. Romance is so
firmly footed in societal ideals that saying “nah, I’m good” is like saying I
missed my calling to be a Disney villain. At best people just don’t get it. At
worst I’m terrified that people will hate me just because.
But I don’t want to go back to not knowing. I feel better
about myself knowing who I am. I just wish I had better words, positive words,
because when I tell people I’m Asexual/Aromantic/Agender I want them to see me
as a person not aperson.