I’ve run into issues with the 4th point siggy brings up (see the link below). When I came out to my parents my mom was like it’s totally normal to have never dated or to wait for that special someone because I “just haven’t met the right one”. Excuse me? I was twenty-five when I told them and I had never been on a date or interested in anyone of any gender. It was invalidating for my mom to argue that I was “normal” when clearly I was not. A couple years ago, when I was in college, my mom and my sister had set up an eHarmony account for me without telling me first. I’ll probably expand on that story in a later post, but for now it just shows that despite what my mom was saying she clearly didn’t think I was “normal”. It would have been nice for her to acknowledge that much.
In an earlier post, I touched on a particular problem: not only do I not conform to what is “normal”, it is far from clear what “normal” is, or if “normal” even exists.
I think this is particularly a problem for aces. Aces must often identify what is normal in order to resist it, but at the same time they don’t have direct experience with what is normal. If aces are too confident in their perceptions of the normal, this could lead to offensive views of allosexuals (e.g. the notion that allosexuals are constantly horny). If aces are insufficiently confident in their perceptions of the normal, this can lead to crippling self doubt. So here I outline my analytic approach to the problem.
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