30 Day Gender Queer Challenge: Day 25

Your first queer crush or relationship

Well, this is going to be short. Since I’m aromantic and asexual, what relationship?

I distinctly recall many, many years ago in elementary school a classmate asked me if I had a crush on anyone (it was an assembly of some sort so we were bored) and I said “no”. I had friends and that was it. I now know I had “platonic” crushes on people where I wanted us to be best friends (Frodo/Sam style), but the feelings weren’t ever reciprocated. There was another time when my friends and I were talking about crushes (elementary school again) and one of my friends (of the opposite biological sex) wanted to assure me that their crush wasn’t on me. My answer at the time was “And this matters to me because….?” I stand by that answer to this day. Crushes didn’t matter.

In middle school things didn’t really change. I had friends and that was it. I didn’t even notice other people outside of my social circle. I never dated anyone in high school. There wasn’t anyone I wanted to date in high school which was, again, in a small town. I thought the reason I never dated anyone was because it was a small town. Occasionally I’ll see couples made of people that I went to elementary school with shopping or something and it just wigs me out, which is completely unfair and prejudice on my part. I know it’s supposed to be romantic or something to have known a person your whole life and for them to be “the one”, but I’m like “There are 7 billion people in the world. Branch out.”

I spent 4 years in college and then another two years traveling around the country for a job and I STILL haven’t dated. If I had ever wanted to go on a date at any point during that time, I would have found a way. If romance in general had been a goal of mine at any point during those years, I would have found a way. It’s not that hard to grab dinner and a movie. Everybody loves free food and it is cool to be a nerd again thanks to DC and Marvel’s cinematic universes. Same for sex, but I have a little more experience with that.

My one true love is writing. I’m married to my work and it’s more thrilling and satisfying than any encounter I’ve ever had.

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