15 Day Aromantic Challenge: Day 14

What is your favorite aromantic song?

I don’t know about any songs that are openly aromantic, but I do listen to a lot of music that are devoid of romance. Folk songs and folk-like songs are my favorite. When I listen to music I want to feel moved. My favorites tend change on a daily basis and I’ll often spend extra money on CDs so I can find obscure songs that aren’t available on download. The most recent CD I bought was “Set You Free” by namos. The sing song I was after was Poor Weary Wanderer, but the rest of the CD is also very enjoyable. I love Celtic music, but I’ll listen to pretty much anything folk.

Here are the lyrics to Poor Weary Wanderer:

My heart goes out to you, poor weary wanderer
Forced to travel this world alone
Forced to wander away from home
You must sow what you cannot reap
You must hope but you cannot keep
You must fear what you cannot know

You must feel what you cannot speak

Nobody wants you
Nobody loves you
Nobody cares for you
Nobody slaves for you
You can’t see the angels
Gathered all around you
You can’t hear what they are saying
And Heaven all about you

My heart goes out to you, poor weary wanderer
Forced to travel this world alone
Forced to wander away from home
My heart goes out to you, poor weary wanderer

You must lie in the cold clay
You must travel ’til the end of day

Sometimes songs are vague enough that I can attach an aromantic meaning to them and on rare occasions,  when I’m in the right mood where overt romantic messages don’t overwhelm me, I’ll listen to pop music or the radio. I very rarely listen to the radio while I’m driving. People get on my case for preferring Pandora to Spotify, but Pandora filters my preferences better since I’m trying to tune out what feels like pretty much 99% of songs. Finding songs that aren’t romantic themed is hard and I feel like I just can’t relate to them.

My absolute favorite song is I’m Going to Go Back There Someday by the Muppets. I’m trying not to live up the the childish stereotype unfairly attached to aro/aces, but it’s actually a really beautiful song. As I mentioned, I like songs that move me. I’ve found that exciting and upbeat music loses its shine after a while, but the slower, more meaningful songs stay with me and never dull.

While Poor Weary Wanderer has a sorrowful tone, I’m Going to Go Back There Someday strikes me as sweet and hopeful. For me it represents what I think most aros are looking for, that perfect “home-like” feeling we can find in another person. We are vaguely aware of the possibility, but it feels like the world is against our dream. It feels like the world says the only relationships worth making are romantic ones. I think the current narrative is that friendship should be effortless and it’s really not.

In movies and films people just always seem to have a best friend that magically spawned out of nowhere and all the protagonist’s energy is spent towards the romantic interest. I wish Hollywood made “Falling in Best Friends” stories, because those are the stories I need. I don’t have a lot of friends right now and I’ve lost the youthful ability to magically spawn them. If I want friends, I have to put in the effort. It would be nice to see this as normal instead of the exception.

As an aromantic I’m not looking for True Love. I’m looking for something a little softer, a little sweeter, and although it may appear childish to others, I think it’s probably the strongest, most innate relationship we can build. This trick is finding the right person or people willing to build that same dream.

My favorite lines in the song is the last verse, “There’s not a word yet for old friends who’ve just me./Part heaven, part space, or have I found my place?/You can just visit, but I plan to stay./I’m going to go back there someday.” I’m waiting and searching still, but I’m still hopeful for “someday” to happen soon.

 

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