I Read the Texas GOP Political Platform (and I am Terrified)

Fun Fact! The individual parts of the GOP political platform are called “planks”. Haha! Cute, right? And, yup, that is all the fun we’re going to be having this evening. Because oh, my fucking God, I’m probably going to need to breath into a paper bag just to get through this. Fuck, um, read at your own discretion. And, no, I’m not just being dramatic.

You can read the full Texas GOP 2018 Platform here, but you should probably check out your own state’s platform and compare notes. Feel free to comment afterwards with your findings. I’m not going to comment on everything, but several things did stand out for me and I’m not going to lie, but I got pretty emotional in my responses. From this point on I mean “you” as in the TX GOP, not my lovely readers.

Preamble: Affirming our belief in God, we still hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Happiness. Throughout the world, people dare to dream of freedom and opportunity. The Republican Party of Texas unequivocally defends that dream. We strive to preserve the freedom given to us by God, implemented by our Founding Fathers, and embodied in the Constitution. We recognize that the traditional family is the strength of our nation. It is our solemn duty to protect innocent life and develop responsible citizens. We understand that our economic success depends upon free market principles. If we fail to maintain our sovereignty, we risk losing the freedom to live these ideals

Okay, right at the start we’re running into problems. I’m going to ignore the “Affirming our belief in God” bit for now, but nice job quoting without citation (i.e. “plagiarizing”) the Declaration of Independence. It’s a very powerful phrase, if a bit dated. Did you intentionally exclude women? Why not just say “all persons”? “all people”? I actually kind of like the next bit; “Throughout the world, people dare to dream of freedom and opportunity.” Very nice, but I haven’t seen any substantial evidence that the Republican Part of Texas “unequivocally defends” anything, so that’s a really bold claim that I very much doubt is going to be supported by the document it precedes. I agree that it is your “solemn duty to protect innocent life and develop responsible citizens”, but I’m going to have to disagree with the methods the platform is proposing.


We, the 2018 Republican Party of Texas, believe in this platform and expect our elected leaders to uphold these truths through acknowledgment and action. We believe in:

  1. “The laws of nature and nature’s God,” and we support the strict adherence to the original language and intent of the Declaration of Independence and the Constitutions of the United States and of Texas.
  2. The sanctity of innocent human life, created in the image of God, which should be protected from fertilization to natural death.
  3. Preserving American and Texas sovereignty and freedom.
  4. Limiting government power to those items enumerated in the United States and Texas Constitutions.
  5. Personal accountability and responsibility.
  6. Self-sufficient families, founded on the traditional marriage of a natural man and a natural woman.
  7. Having an educated population, with parents having the freedom of choice for the education of their children.
  8. The inalienable right of all people to defend themselves and their property.
  9. A free enterprise society unencumbered by government interference or subsidies.
  10. Honoring all of those that serve and protect our freedom.

….I think I just threw up in my mouth.

For a quick refresher, I give you the First Amendment of the U.S. Constitution,

Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.

And the Texas Constitution Article 1 Section 6. Freedom of Worship,

All men have a natural and indefeasible right to worship Almighty God according to the dictates of their own consciences. No man shall be compelled to attend, erect or support any place of worship, or to maintain any ministry against his consent. No human authority ought, in any case whatever, to control or interfere with the rights of conscience in makers of religion, and no preference shall ever be given by law to any religious society or mode of worship. But it shall be the duty of the Legislature to pass such laws as may be necessary to protect equally every religious denomination in the peaceable enjoyment of its own mode of public worship.

These both are from original forms of the documents, not the later amendments. That, right there in plain English is the original intention of the original documents. Seriously, has anyone in the GOP actually READ THEM???? The original intention behind the “separation of Church and State” was not to protect the state from corruption from the church, but to protect the religious institutions from the corruption of state. To make every single political action you make in the name of God (which is obviously referring to the Christian God because of context) and justified by God is in violation of the founding father’s original intention and is in fact not “strict adherence” at all.

Also there was nothing in the original constitutional documents relating to what is defined as a “family”. Religious documents have prescriptive definitions of family. Scientific documents have descriptive definitions of family. Therefore, if you are using a prescriptive definition for family you’re basing it on religious documentation which is in direct violation of the spirit and the letter of both the original U.S. Constitution and Texas Constitution.

Also, U.S. Constitution Ninth Amendment,

The enumeration in the Constitution, of certain rights, shall not be construed to deny or disparage others retained by the people.

Dear TX GOP, stop trying to criminalize my founding-father given rights to life, liberty, and the pursuit of eudaimonia which is what the founding fathers would have actually meant by “happiness” because most of them had a classical education. Eudaimonia, being the Greek Philosophical term “as the overall goal or purpose of your life, the aim that gives meaning and shape to your life as a whole” of which agency is a huge part of.

Anyway, moving on,

13. Carbon Tax: We oppose all efforts to classify carbon dioxide as a pollutant. We further urge the US Senate to defeat the “Cap-and-Trade” legislation, as it is outside the authority of the US Constitution. [Federal]

16. Environment: We oppose environmentalism that obstructs legitimate business interests and private property use, including the regulatory taking of property by governmental agencies. We oppose the abuse of the Endangered Species Act to confiscate and limit the use of personal property and infringement on a property owner’s livelihood. “Climate change” is a political agenda promoted to control every aspect of our lives. We support the defunding of “climate justice” initiatives, the abolition of the Environmental Protection Agency, and repeal of the Endangered Species Act. [Federal/State]

…I really, really want to try and be rational and respectful about this like Dr. Massimo Pigliucci emphasizes in his “Virtue Epistemology” lecture, but oh. my. god. We’re all going to die. These idiots are in charge and their denial is probably going to kill us all. Did the deadly hurricanes not clue you in? Are you that far in denial? How do I even begin to argue this when clearly, clearly you are willfully being irrational. Uhg!!!

14. Counseling and Therapy: No laws or executive orders shall be imposed to limit or restrict access to sexual orientation [change] counseling for self-motivated youth and adults. [State]

i.e. Conversion therapy, because apparently human rights only matter from conception to birth.

21. Windstorm Association: We urge the Texas Legislature to phase out the Texas Windstorm Insurance Association to reduce the liabilities it imposes on state taxpayers.

Because the supercharged tornado and hurricanes are going to kill you anyway, what do you need insurance for?

25. Minimum Wage: We believe the Minimum Wage Act should be repealed. [Federal]

I already knew that was somewhere on the list, but I’m still pissed about it.

46. Vehicle Inspection: No non-commercial vehicles should be required to obtain a state safety inspection.

47. Vehicle Registration: Vehicle registration should only be a one-time occurrence at the point of sale.

Oh, good. This way I’ll die in a totally preventable car accident before the climate change Apocalypse.

52. Workers Compensation: We urge the Legislature to resist making workers’ compensation mandatory for all Texas employers

I urge the Legislature to INSIST on making workers’ comp. mandatory for all Texas employers. And regular OSHA safety training would be nice so we could prevent slips, trips, and falls that would require workers’ comp.

53. Keep Oath to the Constitution: The Republican Party of Texas calls for all who swear the oath to support and maintain the limitations and clear meaning of the United States Constitution.

My level of maturity has in inverse relationship with this document. My first thought after reading that was, “Oh, yes, let’s make the ‘ze heil’s mandatory”. I have failed my Stoic values.

56. United States Senators: We support the repeal of the 17th Amendment of the United States Constitution and the appointment of United States Senators by the state legislatures.


58. Equal Rights Amendment: We call upon the 86th Texas Legislature to adopt a resolution clarifying that the 1972 ratification by the 62nd Texas Legislature of the proposed Equal Rights Amendment to the United States Constitution was valid only through March 22, 1979.

Y’all know it was then added to the Texas Constitution Article 1 sec. 3a right? Are you ready for the shit storm of paperwork it’s going to take to remove it? Meanwhile, I will be the Socrates to thy Athens. I will be the noisiest bee in your bonnet. I will spam the ever loving crap out of your mail boxes with Hand.Written.Letters on mother-fucking RAINBOW STATIONARY until you get so desperate you’ll suspend the 8th amendment just long enough to make me drink hemlock tea and I will enjoy every minute it just to spite you.

61. Executive Orders: We call upon the President of the United States to revoke all of President Obama’s executive orders that violate our platform.

Now that’s just petty.

62. Family Values: We support the affirmation of traditional Judeo-Christian family values and oppose the continued assault on those values.

….Did you even read your own preamble? The first Amendment? The Declaration of Independence you plagiarized? Is your head really that far up your own ass? (See what I mean about my maturity level?)

80. TSA: We urge Congress to abolish the TSA.

Oh, my god. Something we agree on. But we also need to get rid of Homeland Security and shift that funding to the FBI and get ride of ICE and write up an actual foreign policy that hasn’t been on the books since the before WWII.

88. Parents’ Rights: We support legislation ensuring that the parents’ rights to raise and educate their children are protected in Texas law as a fundamental, constitutional right and that there is a presumption that fit parents act in the best interest of their children. So long as the parent is fit, there will normally be no reason for the state to interject in the private realm of the family to question the ability of that parent to make the best decisions concerning the rearing of that child.

89. CPS: We call for the eventual abolishment of CPS, and in the interim we support reform and any legislation that would support due process in family court proceedings, and we fully support a jury determining the outcome of any case if requested by either party.

Because basic human rights apparently only applies from conception until birth. How would you know if a parent is “fit” if you get rid of the very institution that investigates those things? Also, a jury deciding on custody cases is like the WORST idea ever for several reasons that I’m not going to get into right now.

102. Hate Crimes: We urge the complete repeal of the hate crimes laws, since ample laws are currently in effect to punish criminal behavior towards other persons.

No. Haters can hate, but they can’t commit assault or property damage and get away with it.

108. Marriage Officiation: We believe religious institutions have the freedom to recognize and perform only those marriages that are consistent with their doctrine.

Awesome, my religious institution only recognizes marriage as a union between one consenting human adult and another consenting human adult. Underage marriages and marriages between pets where legal consent cannot be obtained are immoral and are not recognized.

317.Definition of Marriage: We support the definition of marriage as a God-ordained, legal, and moral commitment only between one natural man and one natural woman.

That’s not what you said earlier.

119. Abolish Department of Education: Since education is not an enumerated power of the federal government, we believe the Department of Education should be abolished, and prohibit the transfer of any of its functions to any other federal agency. [Federal]

120. School Health Advisory Councils: Until the legislature removes sex education from the curriculum of public schools, the State of Texas should adopt changes to Texas Education Code 28.004 to require every member of the School Health Advisory Council (SHAC) to be appointed by the Board of Trustees; require every school district to post SHAC meeting minutes, full and fair disclosure of the contents of the human sexuality instruction, and proposed changes to health education; close loopholes and prohibit contraception distribution and demonstration; and expand the grievance process to cover the entire section of Texas Education Code 28.004. [State, Local]

121. Sexual Education: We demand the State Legislature pass a law prohibiting the teaching of sex education, sexual health, or sexual choice, or identity in any public school in any grade whatsoever, or disseminating or permitting the dissemination by any party of any material regarding the same. All school districts, individual schools, or charter schools are prohibited from contracting with or making any payment to any third party for material concerning any of the above topics. Until this prohibition goes into effect, sexual education shall only utilize sexual risk avoidance programs and promote abstinence outside of marriage.

140. Gender Identity: The official position of the Texas schools with respect to transgenderism is that there are only two genders: male and female. [State, Local]

At this point you’ve pretty much put the public education system into a meat grinder and I’m not sure you would even know a gender identity from a frog dissection.

135. Scientific Theories: We support objective teaching of scientific theories, such as life origins and environmental change. These should be taught as challengeable scientific theories subject to change as new data is produced. Teachers and students should be able to discuss the strengths and weaknesses of these theories openly and without fear of retribution or discrimination of any kind. [State, Local]

And yet when anyone challenges your heteronormativity with actual document scientific evidence there is some serious retribution and discrimination for it. “Two genders is just theory. You can’t actually prove it.”

240. Gender Identity: We oppose all efforts to validate transgender identity. We call upon our Legislature to enact laws prohibiting the use of hormones before the age of 18 in an attempt to change gender. We believe it should be illegal to remove healthy body parts in minors in an effort to try to transition to the opposite sex.

So, that means y’all are going to stop mutilating intersex babies right? No, that’s not what you mean, because then you have to explain to people that there are actually more than two sexes which was definitely not covered in their non-existent sex-education.

256. Homosexuality: We believe there should be no granting of special legal entitlements or creation of special status for homosexual behavior, regardless of state of origin, and we oppose any criminal or civil penalties against those who oppose homosexuality out of faith, conviction, or belief in traditional values.

……Well, I’m definitely not going to sleep tonight.

275. No Gender Norming in Military: We oppose gender norming in the military. Transgendered persons should not serve in the military as a special class; no special considerations or medical treatment shall be required or offered.

283. Women in Combat: We oppose the use of women in military combat units

This is how we lose wars.

  1. Religious Freedom: As America is “one nation under God,” founded on Judeo-Christian principles, we affirm the constitutional right of all individuals to worship as they choose.

“Worship as they choose” only as long as it’s your God right?

307. Daylight Saving Time: We urge the Texas Legislature to enact legislation to end Daylight Saving Time in Texas.

I agree. Moving on.

310. Gender Identity Facilities in Businesses: We support enacting legislation in the State of Texas ensuring that no government entity in the state be allowed to take it upon itself to define for any private business or private entity how it must segregate its restrooms, changing facilities, or showers; nor may any government agency be allowed to require businesses to profess, espouse, or adopt specific views on sex, sexuality, gender, or gender identity, other than to guarantee that views and positions on these matters are not used as a basis to deny access to public accommodations, as defined by the Civil Rights Act of 1964, nor to deny employment, or discriminate in employment decisions, solely on the basis of a person’s views on these matters.

311. Child Rights: We call on the Texas Legislature to pass legislation to protect privacy in public schools and government buildings as allowed by Title IX of the Education Amendments of 1972, by ensuring that multi-use facilities, including showers, changing rooms, and bathrooms, are designated for and used only by persons based on the person’s biological sex.

Aka, the Bathroom Bill.

312. No Sexuality Indoctrination: We call on the State Legislature to pass legislation so that no public school or other educational institution may force, require, or pressure any child or student to profess, espouse, or adopt, or otherwise be indoctrinated without explicit parental consent, specific views on sex, sexuality, gender, or gender identity.

Unless it’s cis-heterosexual right?

316. Homosexual Behavior: We affirm God’s biblical design for marriage and sexual behavior between one biological man and one biological woman, which has proven to be the foundation for all great nations in Western civilization. We oppose homosexual marriage, regardless of state of origin. We urge the Texas Legislature to pass religious liberty protections for individuals, businesses, and government officials who believe marriage is between one man and one woman. We oppose the granting of special legal entitlements or creation of special status for homosexual behavior, regardless of state of origin. We oppose any criminal or civil penalties against those who oppose homosexuality out of faith, conviction, or belief in traditional values.

Y’all need to brush up on your Greek History, Art and Philosophy as well as the rest of the “great nations in Western civilization”.

334. No-Fault Divorce:We urge the Legislature to rescind no-fault divorce laws and support covenant marriage.

For the love of your Judaeo-Christian God, WHY?????! What is it with you guys and sex/marriage? I thought y’all were against “Big” government?


Obviously that was a lot to get through and I didn’t cover everything. Thanks to anyone who stuck around. Be sure to vote this November to PROTECT YOUR RIGHTS because if you are here and queer, the TX GOP is not going to play nice. The biggest victory for the GOP is that these assholes have convinced millions of young people that their vote doesn’t matter.

I’ve voted in every election since I turned 18 especially on the local level. We are one of the few countries in the world where the Sheriff, the D.A., and Court of Appeal Judges are elected positions. If you don’t vote local, your neighbor will vote for you and my neighbor is a religious nut case who believes all that bullshit about marriage and gender and sexuality minorities. I sleep better at night when I know the Sheriff and the D.A. were on my side of the political spectrum.


P.S. Does anybody know where I can find some bright rainbow-themed stationary? If not Staples has like one meh pattern, 80 pages for 10 bucks.


2 thoughts on “I Read the Texas GOP Political Platform (and I am Terrified)

  1. :/
    Thanks to Hamilton I was singing along to that first part – and of course Angelica then makes your exact point when she vows to tell Thomas Jefferson to “include women in the sequel” ie improve the declaration to include all people. And still today however so many factions in the USA would love to have only white rich straight males be the ones to vote and be treated as adults with rights as well as responsibilities! The whole marriage spiel in there is just awful but then there’s hardly anything not awful in there.


    1. I still haven’t seen Hamilton and I want to so badly!

      My current plan is to write letters to my elected officials arguing against the policies that I feel would harm me. My struggle is “how do I not sound like a raving, liberal lunatic?” like in my response post where my emotions overruled my critical thinking.

      Practice, practice, practice apparently. My mom sent me a YouTube channel of a guy who does “street epistemology” and it’s the full on the Socratic method. The point isn’t to convince people they are wrong, but to guide people (almost like a guided meditation) through thinking deeply and critically about a specific belief and why they believe it. It’s really cool to watch (and it’s in San Antonio, so yay!)


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