So, I mentioned a while back that somebody at my work asked me out and I thought the matter had resolved itself because I said, “no” and it wasn’t mentioned again for two weeks.

The matter is not resolved.

At the time I asked if he wanted a “formal reply” because he had asked me out over a text message ON THE DAY FROM HELL. Dude has no sense of timing. Serious, don’t ask people out on Daylight Savings day. Common sense, people, go get some. Also, that day I did NOT get enough sleep, I had an anxiety attack for unrelated reasons and was late for work, so if I could just block that day from my memory forever that would be just great. …And I’m off track.

So, I get a text at 1:33 AM saying, “Hey, been thinking about when you said no to a date and asked if I wanted a formal answer. I want to be able to set the record straight for myself so there’s no confusion form my end.” W. T. F. I said “no”. Where is the confusion.

Fortunately, there are places I can turn to and people I can ask when I’m having a miniature freak out. I’m going to go do that now.

Okay, I’m back and I’m much calmer than I was. 1) I found a really good PDF called “10 Steps to Becoming an Effective Ally to the LGBT Community” that I’m going to print out and take with me just in case. I’m not “out” per se, but I don’t consider my asexuality a secret. It’s just not something I like to talk about because it becomes “Asexuality 101” and I hate doing that. 3) I’m not going to respond to the text until I’ve had at least six hours of sleep and a half a pot of coffee. Lastly, 4) I’m going to be polite about it. Just like I can’t force myself to magically feel attraction towards somebody, he can’t just magically switch off his attraction. He’s only responsible for how he responds to those feelings and impulses (but the aro in me is still squicked out just a teeny-tiny bit, just saying).

That’s my game plan. I’m also working with my supervisor tomorrow so I can hide behind him in a corner if I need to.




Carnival of Aces March 2018: Sleep Hygiene

[This is my Carnival of Aces Submission for March 2018 under the topic of “Physical Health and/or Our Bodies” hosted this month by luvtheheaven. For more information about the Carnival of Aces, to see past topics, or to volunteer to become a future host please see the master post on the Asexuality Agenda blog]

It’s no coincidence that I’m dead tired as I’m writing this. Currently my sleep hygiene is terrible and I should know better!!! It wasn’t always this bad. I never pulled all-nighters to finished projects or study for test. Instead I would go to bed and wake up just a little bit earlier to finish what I needed then. Since I abstained from all-nighters I would do better on tests than the majority of my peers, I would FEEL better than the crammers and I could retain and recall the information better. In fact, I barely studied at all in school crediting a good night’s sleep for the cause of my good grades.

Now that I’m finishing up school and working more hours to prepare for a new career I’m finding that my stress and current lifestyle isn’t very good for sleep.

First things first, for anyone who doesn’t know:

sleep hy·giene noun
  1. habits and practices that are conducive to sleeping well on a regular basis.

I participated in a small sleep study a little while back. The study asked participants to change up to three habits to see if their sleep improved. All across the board, no matter what habits people picked up or changed, just being aware of their sleep hygiene and making small changes to their bed-time routine improved their sleep.

Here were the suggested habit changes:

  • Avoid caffeine after noon
  • Exercise for at least ten minutes each day
  • Avoid naps, especially naps longer than 15 minutes
  • Set a consistent bedtime
  • Avoid screen time (phone, computer, or TV) within 30 minutes of going to bed
  • Spend ten minutes engaged in meditation or mindfulness practices within two hours of going to bed

I’m going to be honest, I do none of those things. I did when I was participating in the study, but that was also before I decided to pick up a second major that I need to finish before the fall. I logically know that doing these things will help improve my mental and physical well being, but putting it into practice is hard. I could write six paragraphs of why I’m not doing these things, but I don’t think that would help anybody.

I use a program called f.lux for my computer to block blue light at night and that really helps me fall asleep faster after I use it. I recommend it if you’re tend to use the computer late at night. There are also equivalent apps for phones if you like to spend time on your phone at night and kindle fire has a similar program built in.

I also recommend investing in a comfy chair. I was looking at websites with sleep improvement tips nearly all of them recommend using your bed for sleep only (well, sleep and sex, but…) So, don’t read in bed…like I do…every night… these tips are hard. Another tip that I actually can vouch for is if you’re lying in bed and can’t sleep because your mind is racing; get up and sit in a chair. A really comfy reading/relaxing/thinking chair will give you a place other than your bed to do non-sleeping activities.

I was hoping to do more research for my post with facts and sources and all that good stuff, but I’m going to end it here. If this post at the very least gets you to start thinking about your sleep hygiene then that’s good enough for now.

In the meantime here are some TedTalks to fill in the gaps https://www.ted.com/playlists/223/talks_to_inspire_you_to_go_to

Pretty much all the experts say that a good night’s sleep is key to good mental, physical, and social health. Sweet dreams everyone!


My Mom and I Had a Fight so She Offered to Pay for Therapy

[TW: Anxiety]

This past week was Spring Break. It. Sucked.

Normally my family has different schedules so even though we all live in the same house, we actually get a decent amount of time to ourselves and manage our own schedules. This week was the exception because everyone was home we were stomping all over each other’s routines.

Sunday I had an anxiety attack and was late for work because of it and the same thing happened again on Monday and my parents are really not helpful with that kind of thing. Fortunately my training took over (see previous post) and I was able to look up a breathing video on YouTube to calm me down the first time. The second time my mom was fighting with me in the middle of my anxiety attack and all I can remember was the argument wasn’t going anywhere and I just. couldn’t. think. Finally, my mom left and I was able to talk my dad through the process of calming me down. Afterwards I realized because of my anxious state thinking clearly just wasn’t a thing that was going to happen at that point in time and the worst part was my mom took my anxiety attack personally. Seriously.

So, later that day she sends me a link to a therapist and offered to pay for the first session. Thanks mom. -_-

I was considering taking her up on it, but then I remembered, “Oh, fuck. I’m asexual“. Good luck finding an LGBTQ+ friendly shrink in Texas, so how the hell am I supposed to find an ace friendly one? My own freaking family refuses to listen to me when it comes to asexuality and I’m supposed to trust an “objective” outsider.

A good chunk of my stress this week is also attributed to the event that someone at my work asked me out. I could kind-of tell that he was making “gooey” eyes me, but I was really, really hoping I was wrong. I saw him at a board game event three days afterwards. I was wearing my ace ring and the dude freaked out thinking it was a wedding ring. Sigh~ seriously, I don’t even know. First of, it’s on the wrong hand and it’s on the wrong finger. My brother (who was also there) joked saying it was a “promise ring” (“She promises to be my sister forever, and ever,” like that’s supposed to be funny) so the guy freaked out again.

“It’s a cheap ring off of amazon.com dude. Seriously, calm down. You’ve worked at a freaking grocery store for 8 years. Me being aro-ace is only like the fifth reason I’m shooting you down. The first being, I don’t like you. #asexualproblems” (Yeah, there’s no way to say that politely). I didn’t out myself as ace, but I did tell him to stop freaking out about my “just pay for shipping” ring.

Sigh~ I should have done the trial of the riddles. The last time somebody was all “please, please, give me a chance” I had them try to answer three riddles. The last one is a trick question of course “I fly three flags, what are they and what are their colors”. Honestly, me being aro-ace is not a total deal breaker, but I would need/want a QPP. At the very least I would need somebody to realize that I’m wearing freaking pride-flags on my arms.

So, yes, I would totally be willing to take my mom up on her offer for a therapy session. Hell, I ain’t even mad that she offered, but I am absolutely terrified about facing rejection and/or disbelief because of my orientation. I get enough of that on a daily basis, thanks.

I’ll just tell my mom I’m not ready to go shrink shopping just yet, but clearly I need more obvious and showy pride merch. Maybe Etsy.com will have a deal on personalized neon signs.