After looking over the rest of the AroSecAwarness week prompts I realized that they really didn’t apply to me or I would only be able to write a few quick sentences.
Wed 17- Romantic relationships
I’ve never been in a romantic relationship. This is what helped me realize that I was aromantic, but I think the relationship thing is also because I’m aro/ace. Since I wasn’t sexually or romantically attracted to anyone (or at the very least attracted enough to want to start a relationship), I can’t really say much about relationships. I wish there had been aro/ace characters in the media that I could relate to or more education opportunities that would have allowed me to realize my identity sooner.
Thu 18- Nonromantic relationships
Actually if I really wanted to I probably could have expanded this into an entire post. I genuinely am open to the idea of a QPP (queer platonic partnership), but there really aren’t a whole of resources for me to go about finding a partner in that capacity. I’m not out as aromantic and only out as asexual to a few. I’m out as agender to only one friend. Unless I’m out in the open about who I am I don’t have a lot of faith in finding a relationship.
Fri 19- Coming Out
Since my coming out as asexual to my family wasn’t the most positive experience in general I haven’t really made any attempts to do so again. It’s not a secret, and I have dropped hints with a few of my coworkers, but I don’t plan on being fully out anytime soon.
Sat 20- Future identification
The only good thing about finding my identity as late as I did is that I know this is who I am and this is who I’ve always been even if I didn’t know the names for it. Still it would have been a lot easier if I had known early on that I could opt out of romance and say that it’s not for me without worrying that there was something wrong with me. I think my life would have been better knowing about aromanticism sooner because then I could have used all that energy I spent worrying towards other, more productive things.
From @arospecawarenessweek‘s prompts:
Tuesday, February 16: Write about some of the complications you’ve come across as identifying or existing on the aromantic spectrum. You can include ways you’ve worked out problems that occur, or things you might still be struggling- it’s all up to you. Feel free to give advice to other people participating if you have any, as long as it’s okay with that tumblr user!
The biggest complication I’ve run into is visibility. Nobody’s heard of aromanticism so the common reaction is “oh, you just made that up”. When I’ve brought it up to people without saying “aromantic” and just talked about how I felt, I’ve had much better results. Another downside to being aromantic is romantic love is freaking everywhere. I pull up my netflix account and that’s literately the first advertised box to pull up. I have to dig a little deeper to find songs not related to the spark, the flame, and every other metaphor for romance. I find myself listening to more folk and folk rock music and songs where romance didn’t work out.
I’m not complete cynical about love though. I am open to the option of a QPP. I like the idea of having a special someone, just not in a romantic sense. #noromo
From @arospecawarenessweek‘s prompts:
Write about your discovery of aromanticism. That can include finding out about the term, realizing you were aromantic or on the aromantic spectrum, or anything else about the terms, community, or anything else relevant to your experiences. Definitely feel free to include feelings or experiences that helped your identification.
Discovering asexuality was the doorway to finding out other sides of my identity. I live in a very conservative area so I was always under the impression that you only had two options, gay or straight (or variations thereof). I didn’t know there was a “none of the above” option. Then the ace community talked about romantic attraction and I had to think really long and really hard about whether or not I really was aromantic. What made me hesitate was the fact that I LOOOOVE to read soppy, trashy, brain-bleach-worthy fanfiction. I thought “well, I like to read all this lovedovey stuff…” then I couldn’t really be aro. I didn’t think any of it was at all accurate of what romance actually felt like so I just kept waiting. It took several affirmations about how what I like to read doesn’t reflect on what I am and I had to stop listing to people who kept telling me I just “hadn’t met the right one yet” over and over and over. I took the slow route to sort out my feelings before deciding that, yes, I was aromantic. There was only time that I ever had that “I want to date you” feeling towards somebody and the sequential heartache that came with it not working out. I was 23 at the time and that was the only isolated incident in my life time. I don’t want people to use that single incident as an argument against my identity or an excuse to say I’m damaged or proof that the “right one” exists. I’ve fully accepted my identity as aromantic and asexual and I take pride in the many facets that make up who I am.