Touch Aversion: Why You Should Be Dancing

I have a mild touch aversion. This didn’t help that one of my friends is a “hugger” and it was a serious faux pas if I tried to sneak way without a good-bye hug. I hated it at work when my coworkers would give me a friendly pat on the back and I wanted to scream in frustration because people just couldn’t understand that they were traipsing all over my bubble. Is it really so hard to Respect. The. Bubble.?

You know it’s bad when you want the family cat to give you some space. Those were some dark days. When I realized that the stress from my touch aversion was starting to get the better of me I decided to do something about it. I’m more comfortable with self-help than professional help so I started by looking at some proven stress relievers. Hands down the research all agreed that eating healthier and exercise were the “easiest” and most effective stress relievers.

So, I kicked the soda and as a shock to even myself I took up dancing.

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Stop Being So Nice: Perfecting The Art of “Buzz off!”

As I stated in the past you are entitled to your privacy. It’s not rude to say “no”. I read this post on tumblr and frankly I was furious. I was mad that someone felt the need to lie about their identity so they wouldn’t feel attacked. If someone is fishing for trouble about who you are it’s really hard to dodge as serious, professional, flat-toned “No.”

If you haven’t perfected the art of “Buzz off”, here’s the only super secret move you need to know. With all the seriousness of a Secret Service Agent, just tell them no. “Can I ask you a personal question?” “No Ma’am/Sir, you may not. Did you need anything else?” If the only thing missing is dark classes and a black suit, you’ve perfected the move.

Why should you know this move? Because somewhere along the line your privacy, your secret, your identity will be threatened by ignorant people who are just looking for juicy gossip or to make trouble at the the cost of you. YOU HAVE A RIGHT TO PRIVACY.

Just to be clear this say “no” skill is mostly for face-to-face interaction like in the post. Anything online is considered legally published under US Laws, but we still use privacy tactics like usernames and encryption. Because privacy is important. You should be the one to decide what you share. If you don’t want to share, you shouldn’t have to lie, just say “no”.

Asexual Erasure & Insults

Source: Asexual Erasure & Insults

I wanted to share this post because it shows the reality asexuals and aromantics have to deal with. One of the first questions people ask when they try to get to know me is “do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend?” and I can’t just tell them “no” and expect the subject to just drop. When my brother’s girlfriend found out I had never had a boyfriend/girlfriend the very next word out of her mouth was a shocked “why???”. I wanted to say “I’m asexual” but I was afraid to because I had already had one bad coming out experience so I was too scared to.

Today I live in a world where I can’t say “this is who I am” and be accepted. The most I can hope for is a better tomorrow and work hard to spread the word and let others like me know, you’re not alone.

Asexuality and Religion

I’m actually very fortunate. My parents didn’t expect my siblings and I to just default to whatever they believed religiously. And while I’m not “out” to my parents, I am comfortable expressing my religious beliefs to them. Perhaps in the future I could use religion as a frame to explain my identity, but for now I just take comfort in believing.

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Not Perfect

“From each according to his ability, to each according to his need” is a slogan attributed to Karl Marx in Critique of the Gotha Program, which I have not read. I actually stumbled across the phrase when it was used cynically in dialogue form in a short fiction I liked. It struck me as one of those phrases that sounds good, but doesn’t actually work. Like trickle-down economics. It sounds good, but doesn’t work. My problem with the “from each…to each” spiel is that humans need more than they can give. And if anything in this post thus far has offended you, jump over the the apology page.

Actually, thinking that humanity needs more than the individual can give helps me get through the day. I work primarily in customer service so going in with the mind set that it’s a losing battle helps me stay sane.

I’m the Buddhist equivalent of that Christian who hasn’t been to church in twenty years. Buddhism has the “three jewels” which are the Buddha (the enlightened), Dharma (the teachings), and Sangha (the community). The last one is difficult because there isn’t a me-friendly Buddhist community I can reach out to locally. I would probably have to travel 80 miles to the next largest city and while not impossible, it’s very impractical.

What does this have to with “from each…to each…”? Well, basically I’ve accepted that I will never be perfect. I’ve accepted that while I think other expect me to be perfect or even “normal”, I’m not going to be. And I’ve accepted that’s not my fault.

Thinking like that makes it so much easier to get through the day. Best of all I can turn it around and assume that since I’m never going to be perfect, neither is anyone else. I also think it’s important to give myself permission to feel less than perfect emotions like anger or frustration as long as I remember that those emotions are situational and temporary.

I need to be accepted for who I am -asexual, aromanic, agender, ect…- but it’s not always within other people’s ability to give that. Believing that I feel part resigned, but I also feel lighter. Now instead of expecting to be understood or accepted I’m pleasantly surprised when I am.