AAW Prompts Cont…

After looking over the rest of the AroSecAwarness week prompts I realized that they really didn’t apply to me or I would only be able to write a few quick sentences.

Wed 17- Romantic relationships
I’ve never been in a romantic relationship. This is what helped me realize that I was aromantic, but I think the relationship thing is also because I’m aro/ace. Since I wasn’t sexually or romantically attracted to anyone (or at the very least attracted enough to want to start a relationship), I can’t really say much about relationships. I wish there had been aro/ace characters in the media that I could relate to or more education opportunities that would have allowed me to realize my identity sooner.

Thu 18- Nonromantic relationships
Actually if I really wanted to I probably could have expanded this into an entire post. I genuinely am open to the idea of a QPP (queer platonic partnership), but there really aren’t a whole of resources for me to go about finding a partner in that capacity. I’m not out as aromantic and only out as asexual to a few. I’m out as agender to only one friend. Unless I’m out in the open about who I am I don’t have a lot of faith in finding a relationship.

Fri 19- Coming Out
Since my coming out as asexual to my family wasn’t the most positive experience in general I haven’t really made any attempts to do so again. It’s not a secret, and I have dropped hints with a few of my coworkers, but I don’t plan on being fully out anytime soon.

Sat 20- Future identification
The only good thing about finding my identity as late as I did is that I know this is who I am and this is who I’ve always been even if I didn’t know the names for it. Still it would have been a lot easier if I had known early on that I could opt out of romance and say that it’s not for me without worrying that there was something wrong with me. I think my life would have been better knowing about aromanticism sooner because then I could have used all that energy I spent worrying towards other, more productive things.



You’re Not Helping Anyone: Examples of Acephobic Sex Positivity

How is this above picture acephobic?:

Obviously, it states that those who don’t enjoy sex are weird or unnatural. Though we all agree that slut shaming needs to end, this isn’t the way to do so. This post is an example of why asexuals will say that we feel ‘broken’.

This entire episode of Glee (x)

How is it acephobic?:

Throughout the Glee episode, it is enforced that sex is required for intimacy, those who do not show interest or abstain from sex are ‘naive and possibly frigid’ (direct quote), those who abstain from sex are just uneducated, and that everyone experiences sexual feelings once they fall in love. Though the premise is good, as it poked fun at those who were against sex education and want abstinence to be taught in schools, the episode is just…. yikes.

[tw for acephobia and ableist language] (x)

This was sent to an asexual who had wrote so in their okcupid bio. Picture reads as follows:

“Just to give you a quick idea here, I have zero interest in you at all, I just thought your answers to some of the questions were interesting.

Because many women on this site think that not sleeping with your partner before marrying them or marrying someone who is “asexual” or not attracted to anyone/thing is more of a problem than you think.

First of all, sex plays a huge part in any healthy romantic relationship, be that relationship ending in some kind of union or not. Human beings, like any other animal on this blue rock, have a single, solitary purpose in this life, procreation.

Now, I am the farthest person to say that couples should be required to marry and have children, knowing that I am reluctant on the idea of marriage and and not at all okay with the idea of having kids, but I do know that as a healthy, sane human, I am given the urge to, like all animals, procreate.

And therein lies the whole reason of my message.

Any adult human being that does not take sex seriously is obviously either far too immature to be considered an adult or is not mentally sane; see “sociopath”.

Anyway, going to leave you with those facts, I apologize if you found them offensive, but don’t bother telling me if they were, because I really don’t care. This was just somehing I wrote whitlist waiting for my….


How is this acephobic?:

Frankly, this is your everyday acephobe who attempts to back their “opinion” up with “science”. Though this person is hesitant themselves to marry or have children, how dare an asexual due the same! Also, people who feel the need to be downright insulting while ending it with, “I don’t really care how you respond… I just wanted to say this!” are the epitome of immature and childish. How ironic.

For those of you who do not know: Ruth Westheimer is a famous sex therapist who was very popular in the 1980s for her blunt ways of speaking about sex! She touched on many sexual topics from gynecology to the best sex positions for couples.

Tweets read as follows:

Dr. Ruth: “Studies say that 1% of the pop. (population) is asexual. To me that’s 1% too much but sexuality is a spectrum so good that it’s so low and not 10%.”

Asexual Pride: “The insinuation that we’re a waste of space is offensive. Learn about our community before making blind, ignorant assumptions.”

Rachel J. Morris: @Dr.Ruth boo. I’m happy with my asexuality, asexuality isn’t something that ought to not exist, or have too many of us.

How is this acephobic?:

You go, Rachel! What Dr. Ruth has said translates into most asexual’s minds as, “Ya’ll are a waste of space because you don’t procreate or pleasure someone else.”. What she’s said is an example of why a good percent of the asexual community are hesitant to join or feel uncomfortable in sex positive spaces.

AAW Prompt: Discovering Aromanticism

From @arospecawarenessweek‘s prompts:
Write about your discovery of aromanticism. That can include finding out about the term, realizing you were aromantic or on the aromantic spectrum, or anything else about the terms, community, or anything else relevant to your experiences. Definitely feel free to include feelings or experiences that helped your identification.

Discovering asexuality was the doorway to finding out other sides of my identity. I live in a very conservative area so I was always under the impression that you only had two options, gay or straight (or variations thereof). I didn’t know there was a “none of the above” option. Then the ace community talked about romantic attraction and I had to think really long and really hard about whether or not I really was aromantic. What made me hesitate was the fact that I LOOOOVE to read soppy, trashy, brain-bleach-worthy fanfiction. I thought “well, I like to read all this lovedovey stuff…” then I couldn’t really be aro. I didn’t think any of it was at all accurate of what romance actually felt like so I just kept waiting. It took several affirmations about how what I like to read doesn’t reflect on what I am and I had to stop listing to people who kept telling me I just “hadn’t met the right one yet” over and over and over. I took the slow route to sort out my feelings before deciding that, yes, I was aromantic. There was only time that I ever had that “I want to date you” feeling towards somebody and the sequential heartache that came with it not working out. I was 23 at the time and that was the only isolated incident in my life time. I don’t want people to use that single incident as an argument against my identity or an excuse to say I’m damaged or proof that the “right one” exists. I’ve fully accepted my identity as aromantic and asexual and I take pride in the many facets that make up who I am.

Aromantic Spectrum Awareness Week

Hello again!

Aromantic Spectrum Awareness Week is from February 15-21st and it looks like these nice folks will be doing some stuff on tumblr. I’ll try to be posting some aro related prompt responses all next week.

In other news I came out this week to a friend so now they know I am ace/aro and agender. They took it exceptionally well, which is always encouraging. They’re writing a novel and will be exploring aromantic themes in the story. It feels like I’m spreading the good word and hope that the courage will allow me to inspire other writers and story tellers to diversify they’re writing.

Platitudes of Friendship (are best avoided)

-a remark or statement, especially one with a moral content, that has been used too often to be interesting or thoughtful; a cliché

In a lot of ways the idea of friendship has been over romanticized the same way romance has. When I think of the “ideal” friendship the first thing that comes to mind is the scene from the Lord of the Rings, The Return of the King. As Sam carries Frodo up the mountain rewatchers of the film probably mouth the words, “But I can carry you!” For the second runner up I think of the preview for Captain America: Civil War. Steve, Captain America, asks his best friend, Bucky Barns, (after barns has been brain washed for 70 years) if Bucky remembers him. Bucky replies, “Your mother’s name was Sarah,” which in bestfriend speak is “I remember ur mom“; A line only a “true” friend can get away with obviously.

I mention friendship first because I don’t see platonic attraction as the same thing exactly. I definitely feel platonic attraction towards my friends, but that pull isn’t the same thing as friendship. To say platonic attraction is the same thing as friendship is like saying that romantic attraction is the same thing as romance. They’re connected, but not the same. I blame Hollywood for manipulating my view of platonic attraction the same way it paints unrealistic romantic situations. Hollywood’s biggest mistake is suggesting that platonic attraction is inferior to romantic and sexual attraction or that platonic attraction is one step on the way to a possible romance; Both views are just simply not true.

For me when I feel platonic attraction I feel like I want to let that person into my bubble. I’m an introvert and the bubble should be respected at all times, but for some people I’m willing to make an exception. I want to invite them into my special circle of people. Friendship isn’t necessarily the end goal. I like them and I feel something for them so I care about them. I care about how their day is going. I’m curious how their wives and families are doing. They make my day better by proximity so I want to do a little something in return. They’re not going to be the Sam to my Frodo or Steve to my Bucky; That’s not realistic at all.

It’s quite possible that because I’m aromantic I feel platonic attraction more strongly and thus notice it. To the naysayers that might suggest I “don’t know what I’m talking about” because I’ve “never been in love” because I “haven’t met the right one” I must point out that feelings are subjective. I know what I feel because it’s the way I feel. It just so happens that I feel that a preexisting label is suitable to describe what I’m feeling. Beyond that feelings aren’t inherently indescribable. Poets, writers, and scientist may try, but there are no perfect words to describe feelings so we just have to make due. So, when it comes to platonic attraction, I think platitudes of Friendship are best avoided.

(Submission for February 2016 Carnival of Aces: Prompt- Platonic Attraction hosted by It’s An Ace Thing)